yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
