White coat. Heels.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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