Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
