my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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