took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think a kid would responsible me up
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
