so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
two words: eviction party
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
