We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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