do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
