She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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