Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
