stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
