Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
