i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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