I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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