I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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