I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
