Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You made out with two different species that night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
