Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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