his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
