i just had sex bonerless
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
