Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
