is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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