Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
