what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
