Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
