6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
