All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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