At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
