Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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