i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
