New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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