hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
