you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
