I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize