The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
