apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
