He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Never joke about your clitoris.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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