We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
