Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
