you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
