Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
