Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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