Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize