on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
