Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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