Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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