I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
