Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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