"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
