Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
