Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
