there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
