it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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