just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize