I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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