Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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