I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
