its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
