She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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