Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
