Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
