I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She announced her abortion via fbk
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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