The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
