Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
