I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Banned from zoo.
Again?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
