apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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