she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
