I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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