If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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