I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
