I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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