You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize