I wish my penis had an off switch
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
