Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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