If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
TouchΓ© sir
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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