How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you would pick up someone in the library
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
