U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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