sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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