My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
