he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
