So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
