my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
