Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
