its not stalking. its research.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
