make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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