And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is classic penis vs brain.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
