the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
