laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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