If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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