I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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