East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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