Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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