What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
